Simple Pledge of Assistance

One of my readers has been working on a new Pledge of Allegiance for school children to recite. His version was kind of long and bulky, so I've shortened it up to make it more practical and to reflect the Simple Explanation values.  What do you think? Can you help write a better pledge? Do you think something like this would be helpful for others?

(to be recited in a circle while holding hands)

“I Pledge Allegiance to the Principles of the United States of America, that all people are endowed with certain unalienable rights, and that among those rights are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I will join hands with my neighbor to build a safer, more caring world dedicated to achieving life, liberty, and happiness for all. 

We are each responsible for the health of our planet and we will work together to clean her air, her water, and her soil so that all creatures may thrive.

I am grateful for my parents and the love they have given me. 

I am grateful for my teachers and their efforts to help me learn. 

I am grateful for my fellow students who inspire me to learn.”